Friday, November 12, 2010

Humble Pie

Today I'm eating a big slice of humble pie (I hope it's lemon flavoured).
Some of you may have read my rant a few days ago about parenting experts.
After that I read comments (two in particular by Zoey and Sarah) on Bern's blog that made me feel like a terrible parent.

I started to wonder when I turned into the parent I never wanted to be...
one that yells, nags, smacks and loses patience too quickly.

I had a sook about it on Twitter.
And after some excellent advice from Bern and wise words from Yvette Vignando I had a change of heart.

For the past two days, I have been much calmer with my 'high maintenance' boy.  I haven't raised my voice, I haven't acted aggressively towards him, I haven't 'lost it'.
I have not let the frustration take me over.
And surprise, surprise...he's been much calmer too.
He has been less aggressive towards his sister.
He has had the biggest tantrums he's had for ages, but I've just let him ride them out.
I didn't react, I didn't respond, I just let him get over it.

I'm not saying that I will always be like this, but I am going to try harder to be.

Then last night I watched this...

Yvette Kerri Lana from Yvette Vignando on Vimeo.

And I had an epiphany....don't we all love a good epiphany?

Whenever I get my back up over hearing/reading something I don't like...that's actually when I need to listen.

I read once (who knows where) that the things that annoy you most in other people are likely to be the issues you need to deal with yourself.

Know-alls annoy the hell out of me.
So I guess maybe, I'm a know-all?
Oh, that pains me to admit!
My husband is always telling me I never say sorry or admit when I'm wrong,
and he's right, I don't, I rarely think I am wrong!
Hypocrite much?
Arrogance is the other thing I can.not. stand...
so I guess....
Oh God, it's getting worse.

Really, I don't profess to know it all, far from it.
But I do have a problem with being told...
I don't like to be told how to do something, or worse,
that I'm doing it wrong!

So today, I just want to thank Bern & Yvette & Zoey & Sarah (Maya_Abeille) & Kerri & Lana
AND (I'm trying so hard not to be begrudging) Michale Grose for 'speaking to me'.

Sometimes I need to shut up and listen.


  1. Darling heart, I haven't been following your rant as I've had mad crazy couple of days, but I will tell you this:
    NO-ONE likes to be told they're wrong. Even if I know I've done wrong, if my husband or mum calls me on it, I immediately get defensive. I will acknowledge it later, but in the moment I will clam up and defend my position to the death.
    The fact that you can reflect now is brilliant. Well done. And I have absolutely no doubt that you, like all of us, are doing your absolute best. Parenting is fucking hard.

  2. You are a wonderful mum and right now am spewing I don't have sound at work to listen to that video!

  3. And this super fast level of perception and self awareness is what makes you such a lovely Mummy. xx

  4. yes i have taken a lot from bern's recent blog posts too. sometimes we all just get so caught up in our everyday life (and heat of the moment) we can forget about the bigger picture. i too have been trying to be much calmer with my boy and not sweat the small stuff. i am finding that ignoring bad behaviour and removing myself as the audience then the bad behavious ceases much quicker. As i said previously you are a great mummy for caring so much and having the insight to look at your own actions as well as your child's. No one is pefect and i was once told a statistic that shocked me....parents only need to do 'good' parenting 33% of the time to end up with a healthy well adjusted child. So a little learning space is allowed for everyone.

  5. What a brave post Thea. It is tough to put the spotlight on bits of yourself that you aren't fond of. Parenting is a learning curve and it looks like you have had a big week of lessons this week. Lucky you!

  6. Hi it's me Sarah (maya_abeille)...this feedback comes in handy for me today Thea, I'm having a less-than-ideal parenting day myself! I can so relate to how you feel and it's really nice to think that something I said resonated with you.My son is 'high maintenance' and at times I wonder what it is that I am doing that is keeping his frustrated/frustrating behaviours going. Kerri is right, no one likes to be told, it's just that not everyone will admit that! I don't like to admit that something I'm doing isn't working because as a perfectionist, I don't like to think that I've been barking up the wrong tree or may have caused damage to any one. This has now given me something to think about. xx

  7. Very wise words. I can't stand people who think they know everything about a subject after reading one book on it... oh wait, that's me. Bugger.

  8. Lovely post Thea. But never be to hard on yourself- you're heart's in the right place, you're probably doing just fine xoxoxox

  9. As well written and articulate as ever. Self insights, always an interesting place.

    Sure, shut up and listen, but trust your self too. That said, I did miss whatever you are referring to here, so grain of salt.


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