Blessed

In the light of day

I mumble and groan

At my bickering and fighting children.

At night

When they slumber

I cannot believe how blessed I am.

Experts....Pfft

I was a teacher, for quite a few years.
I am a mum, have been for closer to 7 than 6 years.
But I do not proclaim to be an expert on children.
Or teaching.
Or parenting.
And anyone who does...I say...

Why?

I do not believe anyone is an expert.

Because to me...

expert = know it all.

And that just pisses annoys me!

Tidy

Is being tidy one of those things you either are or you are not?
I'm thinking it might be.
I like things to be tidy.
I'm not judging others here.
I'm just saying I like my spaces to be tidy.
My house, my room, my kids' rooms, my classroom (when I had one), my work spaces.
That's not to say they always are.
But if they're not, I'm cranky.
Mess makes me cranky.

But can you teach tidy?

My mum is incredibly tidy. There is never a thing out of place in her home. It's usually clean too, something mine is not.
That's another one, you're either a clean freak, or you're not. I'm not.
But despite my mother's great effort to teach us all to be neat, tidy and clean...we didn't all turn out that way.
So now I'm questioning whether teaching your children to be tidy is a pointless activity?
They'll know for sure that I value tidiness because I bang on about mess all.the.time.
But what if I spend years nagging them to be tidy, then they move out and happily make mess in their own space?
I don't want to be tidying up after them for years, but I also do not want to nag unnecessarily.

What do you do?

Do you make your kids keep their rooms tidy, or do you do it for them?
Mine are 6 and 3 and I still do it for them mostly.
I do get them to help, or give them a number of things to put away.
My 3 year old is an excellent little helper.
My 6 year old, not so much.
We're getting there, but it is painful.
I guess it's painful for everyone though, right?

Got any tips or tricks for me?
I'll be forever grateful.

What Kind Are You?

"Mummy, I want to live with you forever."

If you're a parent of a child or children who are old enough to speak, you have probably heard these words.

What do they do to you?

I know some parents react with a don't-be-ridiculous kind of response and utter words something along the lines of, "No way buddy! As soon as you turn 18 you're outta here!"

And for other parents these words are music to their ears. Their response is more like, "Of course you, Darling!"

Are you a kick them out as soon as possible kind of parent?
Or are you a hold them as close as possible for as long as possible kind of parent?

No prizes for guessing which one I am.
When my boy says he never wants to leave home, I tell him he can live with me for as long as he wants.

Before you gasp in mock horror...or real horror...just listen for a minute.
I am quite well aware that my role as a parent is to instill a sense of confidence in my children, to allow them to become independent, well adjusted, contributing members of society.
And believe it or not, that is what I am doing telling my kids they can live with us forever if they wish.

The thing is I fully expect them to move out way before I'm ready for them to.
Because my motive is not to keep them tied to me forever...as much as I adore that idea.
My motive is to allow them to feel safe and secure, which fosters confidence and independence.

Put yourself in the shoes of a small child for a minute, if you can.
You have no concept of life beyond Mum, Dad and siblings.
You still need Mum/Dad to do a lot, almost everything, for you.
The idea of being put out of the family home to fend for yourself would be immensely terrifying.
Because, of course, they cannot put themselves in the shoes of their 18ish year old self and see that it might not only be do-able...but kinda fun.

So, for now, whenever they ask, I will tell them I'm here for them now and always.
And I will be. 
All the while teaching them and encouraging them to become grown-ups who can fend for themselves when the time is right.

I have no doubt they will leave my nest.

But they don't need to know that...yet.

Crossing The Line

There are some lines I don't cross.
I'm wondering, do you have lines, too?

Last night on Twitter I professed my disdain for hearing adults telling children to 'Shut up!' after my husband said it to our 6 year old boy.  He very rarely says it because he knows how much I hate it. But I never say it, ever.
I think it is a horrible way to speak to a child. It is just too harsh. I tell the kids to be quiet, a lot, but I always use words other than...

Another thing I never do, ever, is swear at or in front of my children, or anyone else's.
It's not only that I don't do it, but I can't do it.
I've drawn such a strong line in my mind that I simply cannot cross it.

But as I tweeted about it, I thought this makes me sound like I'm saying I'm a perfect mother.
Well, I'm sure it comes as a great shock to you, but I am not.
I yell, I scream and I smack. I wish I didn't, I rarely smack but these are things I do that I am not proud of.
They are just as bad, or worse than the things I do not do.
Clearly I have double standards.

I think for me it's about the way I was raised.
My parents never said 'Shut up' to us, and we were never allowed to say it to each other...we did, but we were always in trouble for it.
My parents also never swore, still don't.
My parenting style is quite similar to my mother's however I am more affectionate and she had more patience.

Do you have lines?
Are there some things you simply cannot say or do?

It Won't Be Like This For Long

No, no, no, no, no, no, no!!!

I'm at home, as I am most days.
I'm watching Oprah, as I do only if my little Miss 3 is sleeping, and she is.
And I saw this...



This is what scares me, saddens me, terrifies me the most about being a mum.
My two beautiful children growing up and leaving...
I guess when that time comes, and it is still a long way away, I'll cope.
I have to right?
But right now, how do I get rid of this lump in my throat?


PS This is Darius Rucker, if he looks familiar to you he used to be the lead singer of Hootie and the Blowfish. Great song, huh?

Your Mother is Unavailable

Some days, not every day because that would make me a bad mother, I need a button.

You know those days where you hear...

 'MUM!'

...just one too many times?

Oh, who am I kidding?
You hear it about a hundred times and the hundredth time just makes you want to cry. Usually because that hundredth time is just when you've just closed the toilet door or just sat down to try to finish your latest blog post or just stepped into the shower.

That's when I need a big black button to magically appear.
A button that plays a recording in a booming, authoritative voice...

"Your mother is temporarily unavailable.

She is on a sanity break and will return shortly."

Reckon that would work?
No? I didn't think so.
Oh, well.

Yes, I am a Short Order Cook!

I'm jealous of mums who have kids who will eat anything, or most things, or even some sort of variety of things.

Comments like...

I don't cook different dinners for my kids, I'm not a short order cook...

If you introduce new foods early, they'll eat anything...

I don't let my kids leave the table until they've eaten everything on their plate...

My kids eat what I tell them or they get nothing...

just make me feel like a bad mum.

And having my mother-in-law say to me, "What does he eat? You must tear your hair out," doesn't help either.

No, I don't tear my hair out.
No, I don't turn dinner time into a battle.
No, I don't make eating a major issue.

But I do see other mum's blogs with lovely dinner ideas and wish....if only my kids would eat that.
I do get sick of cooking the same thing for the kids...every.night.of.the.week.

I have one child that will attempt new foods, and is a pretty 'good' eater.
And I have one who won't. 
You can give me any advice or ideas under the sun, it's not going to change the fact that you cannot force a child to eat what they do not want to eat.

I've read a lot of books on this topic.
I've spoken to a lot of other mums.
I'm not a good cook, I'm not a foodie, so I'm not coming up with new ideas every day.
To be honest, I don't think it matters as much as some people do.

I don't fill our house with junk food.
We very, very rarely eat take-away.
My children are both in the healthy weight range for their ages.

It would be really nice if they did eat anything.
But it would be nicer if other people didn't put so much pressure on the whole eating issue.
They eat if they're hungry.
They eat healthily enough.
That's good enough for me.
I can live with the boredom of cooking the same thing for them every night, and something else for us,
because the one thing this parenting gig has taught me is that...

'this too will pass.'