Last night when I went to check on my 6 year old boy, who I thought was sleeping, I found him sobbing in his bed.
He told me his dad just came in, too, but he stopped crying then and pretended he was asleep.
He was very upset, but was too scared to tell me what was wrong.
This is very usual for my boy.
He doesn't like to tell me much, particularly when something is wrong.
He finds it impossible.
Earlier this year when he fell and bumped his head at school, he refused to tell me or his father how it happened.
I eventually got the story, hours later, after I managed to find the right series of questions.
I discovered last night, that is the secret.
It's not that he doesn't want me to know, it's just that he can't say it himself.
He's happy to answer yes or no.
So after a lot of creative questioning, I discovered his problem.
It's a toileting issue.
We've been having that kind of issue with him since he was 3.
Apparently the children in his class are not permitted to go to the toilet in class time and if they do they must sit out of play during one of their three breaks for 5 minutes.
Being an ex-teacher I can understand why the teacher would enforce this rule because it is maddening to have children constantly going to the toilet and often some children 'go' just to get out of class.
However they are only Year One, and I do think it's a little harsh.
Especially for my boy who has 'issues'.
And she knows he does.
Granted, she doesn't know about this issue in particular.
But now I'm worried and nervous about having to talk to her about it this morning.
This is where the "I'm not good at being a grown up" comes about.
Ever since I was a child, I've had a problem with talking to people about certain things.
I remember saying to my mum when I was a kid, "But I don't know what to say."
And wanting her to always do the talking for me.
Now I see my boy doing the same thing.
He's been checking with me every five minutes this morning, making sure I don't forget to talk to his teacher this morning.
I'm worried that she won't 'get' it.
I'm worried that I won't find the right words.
I'm worried for my boy who is scared of sitting by himself at playtime and having to tell a teacher on duty that he doesn't know why he is sitting there.
This is such a small thing, but it's a major upset for my boy.
He's going to have to face much bigger things, and that worries me, too.
After my boy finally settled and fell asleep last night, I sat down to watch one of my favourite shows, Parenthood.
I could see so much of Max in my boy.
Not as severe, but similar in so many ways.
When Adam asked Max if he knew what empathy was, I cried.
I've recently had the same discussion with my boy.
I cried and cried and cried.
So this morning, I'm off to school to 'see' the teacher.
Something I hate having to do.
But I need to stand up for my boy.
Wish me luck, I'm scared.