Monday, July 5, 2010

Tumbling Down

I go through phases in my life when I feel completely incompetent and incapable of anything and everything.

I feel like a deer in the headlights.
The light is shining on me, people are looking at me, expecting some action.
But I feel paralyzed.
Completely lacking in the confidence and enthusiasm to do anything.

Or alternatively, I feel like one of those towers of blocks that my children build.  My confidence builds up and up, then gets shaky and suddenly, add a bit too much and I come crashing to the ground.

It usually happens when I have to organize something.
This makes birthdays, Christmas, anniversaries etc very stressful for me.
Just say the word 'organize' and I have an instant headache.

When I was teaching I never planned excursions or (heaven forbid) school camps.
Now as soon as I have to pack to go away overnight, or for a holiday I'm almost blinded by the thought of having to do so much.
I have lists.
I usually have multiple lists.
And that does help a little.

Now the family birthday season is looming large.
And it is beginning to terrify me.
Next week is my husband's birthday.
In a couple of months my two children have their birthdays four days apart and the next day is our wedding anniversary.
And the weekend before that is Father's Day.
So I am beginning to dread this time of year.
While I should be looking forward to it with joy, so many important family celebrations, I just want to curl up and hide somewhere until it's all over.

What's wrong with me?
I love celebrations.
I love parties.
I love birthdays.
I love holidays.
But now that I am the one responsible for organizing them...I'm not so fond of them anymore.
It's not the work.
Although I have readily admitted on numerous occasions that I was born with a very lazy streak.
I think it's the expectation, the fact that people are watching me, I feel like I might stuff it all up and ruin everything.
Of course, logically I know this is not true.  I don't have anyone pressuring me into having those over the top kids parties.  Needless to say I do not do those!
But any amount of organizing just seems too much for me.

Sometimes (like now) I feel like the slackest mother on earth.


  1. Don't feel slack - organising any kind of event is stressful.

    Take heart - my mother-in-law didn't make a birthday cake for her kids until they turned 21!

  2. Ditto Thea. Love the celebrations, stress out beforehand. Constantly hear Big Boy muttering under his breath as I scream at him again "Perfectionist. Obsessive compulsive..."

  3. Gosh I feel the same way about birthday parties. There is so much to do. But you know what? Most kids are just happy with a few sausages and a bag of chips and the parents who escort them are generally just happy to be in some sort of adult company to worry about how clean your house is or how much food isn't on the table! Try and enjoy it hon xx

  4. Organising a Birthday Party it seems is so much more stressful than organising a Cocktail party or neighbourhood barbeque.
    Last Birthday we hosted we cooked, baked, burnt and then re-baked the burnt cakes all on the only night we have off as a family together!
    But it was an experience!

  5. I'm with you there! I have even been known to hold birthday parties months late, just because I couldn't work up the courage to get the organising on! :( It's weird, because once the day is here, I love it all. I love entertaining, I love playing the kids games, I love the party bags, the balloons, the sugary, food colouring we pass off as food.....but ask me to set a date and I freeze, have a mild panic attack and come up with some pathetic excuse to give it some more thought. :) xx

  6. I LOVE organising parties and celebrations!

    I'm one of those types that carries a notebook with lists upon lists. Currently organising Christmas (have been since the beginning of the year...yes, I AM a freak, thanks for asking!)my daughter's 18th which is in March next year.

    I used to hate doing it but I found that if I plan WAY ahead, then I don't freak out as much :)

  7. You are not alone. I'm not great with organising parties etc. In fact, I loathe it! I just want to turn up and enjoy!

    Actually, that's not entirely true. I like designing in the invitation, working out what we'll's just cakes and venues etc...

    My friend doesn't like entertaining much, because she always feels overwhelmed. I think the key is to do what's comfortable and not worry about what people will think. If it makes the birthday boy/girl happy - what does it matter!

    Good luck, hon!

  8. I love the organising, the hosting not so much. But I have learned over time that as long as everyone is enjoying it (or pretending to) then I should unclench ( a little!) Good luck x

  9. ditto ditto ditto - I have very strong memories of sending my dad out to buy another birthday cake for my daughter because I didn't think mine was good enough FOR HER FIRST BIRTHDAY - turns out in the photos - looking back its the wonky teddy bear I made she loves most...but yes HATE planning, loathe it *hugs*


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