I'm really good at tying my stomach in knots.
This morning my 6 year old boy was awarded with this week's encouragement award for his class at assembly in the church. Miss 3 and I of course went to watch. We got there early, first in fact, to get the best seat...back row! (I'm a good Catholic.) But we did sit on the aisle so my boy could spot us. I was so proud of him, sitting there with the biggest silly smile on my face.
Before that however, as we were sitting waiting, and I was shushing Miss3 "You have to be quiet in the church", the classes began to walk in with their teachers. I used to be one of those. I remembered the hundreds of assemblies I sat through with my own classes. Then I had this conversation with myself, silently of course, we were in the church...
It's so nice to be sitting here responsible only for my darling daughter and not a whole class of kids.
Oh look, there's the sister of one of my mothers' group mums, she must have a relief day.
Hey, there's the PE teacher doing a relief day in another class.
They still haven't called me up this year.
Why haven't they called me?
Don't they want me?
What's wrong with me?
Not that I really want a relief day.
I'm much much happier at home with my baby girl.
But I do have to get back to it eventually.
What if they never call me?
Don't worry about it, enjoy your time at home.
But we need extra money if we're ever going to get out of the house that is breaking my husband.
How do I get back into it if no one wants me?
I wish I never had to go back, ever.
I've never liked going to work.
But I can't be a stay at home mum forever!
Oh stop it!
Just be a proud mummy today, will you?
And now I feel all unsettled....dammit!