Wednesday, April 6, 2011

There's nothing wrong with being private!

We are very private people, my husband and I.
And I'm fairly certain my children will be, too.
We always keep the toilet door, and the bathroom door, shut.
No one walks in on anyone, that is very bad manners.
We like our private space, and we respect each others' private space.
And there is nothing wrong with that.
We have not, nor ever will, bathe or shower with our children.
I'm am not saying that it's right or wrong, I'm just saying it's not for us.

And there is nothing wrong with that.

There is nothing wrong with being private, or quiet, or shy.
These things are personality traits, not conditions that need to be treated.
These things have as much value as being confident, loud, or outspoken.

Let's not let the people who speak up with a louder or stronger voice, speak for all of us, or worse dismiss the importance of those of us who are more reserved.

We need shy types just as much as we need confident types.
Every character trait has it's good points and bad points.

We need followers, listeners, thinkers and observers just as much as we need leaders, talkers and doers.

Imagine the chaos if we were all the same.


  1. Wow Thea! What a great insight! I never thought of it that way, and I've often thought myself as reserved, especially when meeting new people.

    Many of my friends are more boisterous types. You are right, I probably wouldn't get on so well with them if we were the same.

  2. My hubby is more is more quiet then me he doesnt really like the sicial scene and keeps to himself. Me; I am open like a book lol... I love to be a social butterfly etc...

    2 of my kids are like me the other 1 is like her father.

  3. I think shy is often confused with lacking confidence. I'm incredibly shy, which people have trouble believing but at any gathering I'll be found on the fringes avoiding eye contact. I kinda wish I wasn't shy, but if people are happy being shy then more power to them. Life's too short to be unhappy.

  4. My children have all been quite reserved with strangers when younger. It used to drive me crazy that people referred to my boys as 'mummy's boys' just because they didn't race about the room and start chattering to anyone who spoke to them, preferring to stay reasonably close to me until they got their bearings. Both my sons and my daughter are now quite outgoing, but still prefer to take a few minutes to get used to new people before striking up a conversation.

    I agree that there is nothing wrong with being quiet and reserved. Not everyone needs to be the centre of attention and logistically that simply isn't possible anyway. I'm all for letting people simply be comfortable in their own skin. Personally, I'd prefer to be on the fringe of the crowd having a chat with Cate Bolt, than in the centre of things calling out 'Look at me! Look at me!'

  5. I love this! I can be loud but underneath I am also very shy. I don't want to be any different to how I am. It's taken many of my almost 41 years to accept that it IS OK to be me. Thank you for sharing this! P :)

  6. brilliant - very, very how to get kids to respect my privacy - next the moments they do the "knock and wander" 0 you know - knock twice wander into the room already talking - wheras I knock and ask before going into theirs....

  7. We can't win. I am loud ... and have always been criticised for that :)

    Basically, I find when a quiet person talks, it is well worth listening :)

  8. Thea, I am positive we have had this conversation before, about Myer Briggs? INTP? INFJ?

    Either way, I hear you, and I back you. Vive la différence...


  9. I'm shy and reserved in real life, but tend to be pretty outspoken and open online. Go figure!

    I agree with Susan, though, about my sons being called mummy's boys because they take a while to warm to strangers. Not happy....

  10. Thoroughly agree with you! I am naturally very shy but mask it (introverted-extrovert, my father is the same and I was as surprised to discover that about him as people are to find out that I am not as confident as I may make out).

    I used to see my daughter as painfully shy. But now I just consider her quietly discerning of a room, before she jumps in she observes. Just like her Dad.

    Interesting post!

  11. Wonderful post. I often find it frustrating that 'shy' is seen as something which needs to be 'fixed'. Life would be oh-so-boring if we were all the same.
    Thank you for this thought provoking post!

  12. A very good point! And the world needs to have balance of behaviors and attitudes. Shy isn't always unconfident but more 'giving things more time' I liken different people's behavior to the way they enter the surf or a pool.. Straight in, no worries .. Or little bits at a time.. Or needing coaxing.
    About the bathroom privacy. I agree 100% about the toilet.
    Our kids & grandkids saw us having a shower .. Just did if they popped in but after 5 THEY stopped .. And their own needs for modesty are respected.
    Interesting thing tho' - newly built daughter's house had no door on walk in robe which leads to bathroom & toilet.. It's a trend :-(. They put one in. Thea.. Good post! X

  13. Funny, @BeingYou says 'introverted extrovert', but I've always described myself as an extroverted introvert, as I learned plenty of front to cover up my shyness through repeated moves and new schools.

    Lots of people think I'm very outgoing and confident, but I still know I'm shy. I'm not great in crowds, and find it hard to relax at parties.

    You're totally right, Thea; there is absolutely nothing wrong with being shy. There's room for all types in this world. x

  14. Well, can you imagine if everyone in this world was the same?! Yikes!

    Often, in relationships, you'll find that one is paired with the other - a complimentary thing. I can actually see to reserved people getting on so much better than two outgoing ones. Too much noise right there. ;)

    Great insight, hon. xxx

  15. I'm shy, I'd love to be private in bathroom terms but kids, dogs, cats - no respect for my privacy. The kids have it only for their own & the animals, nuff said :)

    Great post & all so true :) We need different :)


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