Sunday, October 2, 2011

Sinking Heart

I thought I'd done everything I could to hide my ex-friend on Facebook.
I unfriended any mutual friends that weren't really friends, just aquaintances.
I blocked her so I couldn't see any of her comments popping up on existing mutual friends statuses, walls or photos.

Yesterday was her 40th birthday.
I never forget birthdays.

When I turned 40, almost 3 years ago, I was still breastfeeding my 12 month old baby, and had a just-turned-four year old.
We had a very small celebration at home.
But we got all dressed up, it had been so long since I had.
I only had 5 guests.
She was one of them.
She was the guest of honour, really.
She made a fabulous birthday cake for me.
She was the closest friend I had at the time.

So, of course, I remembered her birthday yesterday.
But, of course, I didn't do anything about it.
My husband said, "Where's my invitation? I didn't do anything wrong."
I told him he was tarnished by association.
I knew she'd be having a big party.
She's a foodie.
She loves a party.
It was inevitable.
I didn't know any details, I hadn't heard a thing about it.

What you don't know, doesn't hurt you, right?

Then I was sent a jolt this morning as I read my Facebook updates.
I read this...

Fantastic party (ex-friend). Great music and wonderful friends. Food was fantastic.

This mutual friend didn't tag her, just typed her name.
So I saw it.
And my heart sank.

I thought I was over it.
Clearly, I never will be.

Facebook sucks sometimes!


  1. UGH! Not nice Thea.I dont like facebook.Never did never will.Not because of those reasons but I just dont like it.But you know Thea it takes a nasty person to do something like that so I wouldnt even bother thinking about it.Dont get me wrong I know how you feel but..its not worth it.

    Have a nice day!

  2. Unfortunately that is one of the downsides to social media :(
    It's best to remember the shit times, why you aren't friends than the good times. Trust me you aren't friends for a reason :)
    Don't let it ruin your day, you deserve better than that!

  3. Thinking of you Thea. It hurts and it sucks :(

  4. Oh Thea. I can so relate. My sister in law and I used to be close. She had a row with my husband (her brother) over three years ago, and took it all out on me. She then muscled in on our best friends. (And I have no bount she bitches about me to them.) We now see very very little of any of them, as it is just too fake and uncomfortable, and it hurts. I avoid Facebook for that reason. It hurts.


  5. oh Thea i feel your pain ,i don't think you ever really get over losing your best friend, shame on that person for being so spiteful and putting that as there status , have you ever heard the saying there is a reason why some people from your past didn't make it into your future . Chin up it will get easier x

  6. it really does suck a lot of the time. hugs honey. i think often losing close friends can be as hard as losing a boyfriend/girlfriend the hurt never really totally goes

  7. Yes, as much as I love FB most of the time - it can make it hard to move on.

    I have a similar issue - and just when I'm feeling at peace with it, she pops up somewhere unexpected on there to remind me of the friendship turned sour.

    I hope you aren't set back too much. Focus on the positive people in your life.

  8. As easy as it is to say don't worry about it, it says more about them, blah blah blah, I know it hurts. But you know what? I bet she's missing you too, and I bet she's missing out on a whole lot more than you are! You are awesome my dear. As an aside, I spend a lot less time on FB these days, I find my real friends (with a few exceptions) are in real life and/or on Twitter). xo

  9. Oh dear, that is rough Thea. You poor thing :o(
    I had a friend who fell out with myself and another of my good friends. Actually, she fell out with my other friend first and from there, things eventually ran their course for us too. I was a bridesmaid at her wedding, as was my other friend she no longer speaks to.
    I have heard 'through the grapevine' that she has had a baby since we stopped talking. All so very silly, as we never shared one cross word to each other. But one day we were talking and then we both just never contacted each other again. Weird. But it's like we both just 'knew' our friendship wasn't meant to be. Hope you're feeling better about it all tomorrow xo

  10. Hiya Lovely beautiful lady....yep that is what YOU are inside and out..please don't give her the power to upset can let it go..really you can TRUST me you can and you need to....
    does she care she didn't invite you? maybe? and that is her lot to deal with real!!!
    warm and fuzzies to you always xo
    even if we are not friends have never met and probably never will ...I CARE about you and your loved social media is sometimes good for the soul x

  11. Thank you so much for all of your lovely comments.
    My sinking heart has been warmed by each and every one of them.
    I love my bloggy buddies.
    You never let me down.
    I hope I return the bloggy love to you.

  12. Yeah fb does suck sometimes. And the break down of relationships like that is even worse. In some ways it's even worse than a death because you can't really grieve in the normal way even though all the emotions are the same. I hope that the start of a new day is bringing some relief. x

  13. It really can be hard sometimes to see such comments. i am so sorry you had to feel this way. <>

  14. facebook is meant to be a place to share our lives and joy with people we love but often it can feel more like stalkbook/ comparisonbook/ feelshitbook/ and why-did-i-ever-have-you-in-my-lifebook… thats why I turn to the blogland and then out to the real world to remember its not those fakers who make my life beautiful it's the fact that I no longer need them to make me who I am.

    It never stops hurting to lose a friend you once thought so close and you may question and doubt yourself sometimes but it's like Ames said - time fogs our memories so while its important to forgive, your friends behaviour today just showed you why you should never forget the reasons for removing her in the first place.
    Sorry for the mega rant, I just know all too well how you feel.
    BIG hugs xx

  15. When I went through a divorce, I unfriended any mutual friend. It was tough, hard work, and yeah, I still see reminders of things now. Hug.


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