Friday, December 16, 2011


That's the number that has been causing me grief lately.
That's the number that stares back at me on my scales every day.
That's the number I hate.

There has been a lot of talk lately about body weight, in body weight.
If you haven't read must!

But really, there is always a lot of talk about women's body weight.
Post-baby, pre-baby, menopausal...whatever.
From the age of probably about 10, I remember being very self-conscious about my body.

I've always hated tight clothing, because I don't want anyone to see my form.
I've always hated my lily-white skin, because in Queensland...brown is always 'in'.
I've always hated my double chin, even when it was half the size it is now.

I've always been extremely hard on myself.

I don't really know.
A combination of many factors I suppose.
Women are very complex creatures and I'm guessing many women feel exactly the same way I do.

It is unreasonable to feel this way.
And I know I know that because... husband constantly tells me I'm beautiful
...I've never been happy with the number on the scales, even when it was 52
...I complain a lot about it but never actually do anything about it

The truth is I eat too much and I don't move enough.

Even as I sit here typing this I'm snacking on cheese & tomato crackers...
it's only 9am and I've already had egg on toast for breakfast 2 hours ago.
I love food, I find it really difficult to eat less.

And the no-moving thing is a problem for a number of reasons...

...I have arthritis, the less I move the stiffer I become mum had a heart attack last year at 52 years of age
...I want to be fitter and healthier so I can be more active with my 2 small children

So for those reasons, I'm getting a treadmill for Christmas.
But I will openly admit that I am hoping for weight loss as well as getting fitter and healthier.
I am just not happy with how heavy I am.

But, as I have never been happy with my weight
(apart from a very brief period when I didn't eat due to stress)
I'm worried that I may never happy with my body.

Even with others telling me to go easier on myself, I find it very difficult to do.
And that saddens me greatly.'s just one big vicious cycle!


  1. Oh Thea.

    I can so relate. You know I do.

    We need to find a way of feeling comfortable. Find that, and the number doesn't matter...


  2. My initial reaction was "Hey, hey, hey Thea, go easy on yourself, you beautiful thing."

    This from the nut who has weighed herself approximately 8 times in the last 24 hour period.

    Pots, kettles and the colour black come to mind.

    I clearly have no answers.
    I have shifted my focus to include health and fitness as measures of my self image.
    But those stupid scales still call the shots here.

    I hope your honesty is the first step towards feeling comfortable as you. It's a long, long road though.

    Self loathing sucks.

  3. Hey Hun, I so hope you can find that inner motivation to keep yourself healthy, you know I'll cheer you on all the way!

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  5. I'm with you Thea, 2012 is my year, to renew, to strengthen but mostly to remember that I am important too. My bike is going to be getting a workout as are my sneakers because MY number is just way to high (68 is just a dream!)

    May the determination we have now continue all year! Cheers to a fabulous 2012!


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