I'm having a down day.
Brought on by feeling fat which is a common cause of 'down-ness' for me.
And I really want to eat something, anything, everything. Which of course just makes me fatter and perpetuates the whole state of 'down-dom'.
I know I'm not alone. I know just about every woman feels like this...a lot.
But it is stupid and silly and maddening all at the same time because I know how ridiculous the vicious cycle is, yet I feel powerless to stop it.
And again, I'm quite sure that is the way just about every other woman feels...a lot.
It has nothing to do with how anyone else makes me feel. No one has told me I'm fat. My husband always tells me I look perfect (yes, I am very lucky!). It is how I see myself.
I'm not greatly overweight. I only need to lose 1/2kg (yes, only 1/2) to be in the healthy weight range on the BMI index. But I need to lose 6kgs to be happy or 8kgs to be ecstatic!
I know all the things I need to do, I know how, I know what, I know everything!
My problem is in the doing. I'm just plain old lazy. I mean really, really lazy. I like doing nothing, and I can do nothing for a very long time. Then I do go a bit stir crazy which spurs me into action...for a little while. Having two little kids does help a bit, I can't do nothing for very long with them around. But looking after them most definitely is not fat burningly strenuous!
The saddest thing about this feeling that comes and goes (but usually outstays it's welcome) is that I will more than likely spend the majority of my whole life feeling this way. There have only been two very brief times, in my late teens and my late twenties, that I have been happy with my weight.
I can see only three solutions...
1. I shape up and eat right - not very likely while I'm so me-time-poor...
2. We abolish mirrors and photos - but I couldn't live without photos of my kids...
3. We adopt a global women's uniform, shapeless, formless, comfortable...BORING!
OK...I can see no solutions.
No matter, I'll be over it soon. Until the next time 'down-dom' rolls into town.