Sunday, January 24, 2010

A Wounded Dog

Have you ever seen a wounded dog?  The way it skulks off to a corner or a quiet place under a bush, curls up, wraps its tail around itself and looks up at the world with sad eyes from under heavy eyelids.  Well, that's how I feel...for a lot of reasons.  I'm in a very dark place emotionally right now.  It's OK, I know this place well and it's a place I don't stay in for long, thank God.  I know I'll be out soon.

I just wanted to express how I feel and as this is my blog space I can say what I like, but this time you can't.  I am openly admitting that I am a coward and as I have come to hold my breath before reading every comment over the past few days, I'm not allowing comments on this one.  And anyway, I'm not looking for sympathy, I know I have a lot of support from a lot of very wonderful people.  I just want to let some stuff out, to dump, and today my blog is my dumping ground.

I don't like to put this heavy kind of stuff on here.  I'd much prefer to be lighthearted and mildly amusing.  One of my favourite things is seeing the 'amusing' box ticked on my posts.  But I also love to see the 'can relate' box ticked and I don't think I'm alone in feeling this way.  I'm guessing someone can relate.

I don't feel one bit amusing at the moment.  When I worry, I literally worry myself sick.  I feel like a vice is gripping my heart and something is eating me from the inside out.  Tears are always close to the surface and smiles are behind a locked door to which I can't locate the key.

I don't want anyone to worry, I'm doing enough of that for all of us, I'll just be here quietly licking my wounds until I recover.  I know all the things I need to do to get myself out and I have a direct line to the big man upstairs who helps me a lot during these times.  I'll be back soon, don't miss me too much while I'm gone.