Tuesday, January 18, 2011

Not Ready

My darling little three year old baby girl starts kindy next week.
She is only going two days a week.
But I am not ready!
I have never left her with anyone for a whole day before, ever.
She has stayed with her grandmothers (with her brother) for a few hours when we've been to a wedding, or out for lunch, dinner or shopping.
But no more than five times, ever!

I have been doing and saying all the right things.
Being upbeat, being excited, telling her how wonderful it will be.
And still she says,
"Mummy, I don't want to go to kindy.
Don't leave me."

I'm telling you, if any words can break the heart of a mummy, it's those words!

I know she'll be fine.
I know she'll grow to love it after awhile.
I know it will be good for her, and I suppose me.

But I don't want to leave her!
She is my little angel.
She is my sunshine.
She is my constant companion.
And she's the loveliest little companion a mother could wish for.

*Now I've gone and made myself cry!!*

She's my last baby.
There are no more.
There will be no more.
This is the end.

It is the end of me being a full time stay at home mum.
I'll be available for relief teaching on the days she is at kindy.
So, that's it.
The best time of my life, my dream job, the job I've been waiting for all my life...

Well, you know, not over, I'm still a mum.
But it will be new.
It will be different.
I don't like new and different until it turns into old and familiar.

Eventually, of course, it will become old and familiar.
Right before something new and different comes along again.


  1. Awh! I have so felt this way too!! It's a new season for you....and if you want can always expand your dream job and home school....that's what I did. ;)

  2. Oh darling, we've all been there, when the baby starts preschool. I'm a stay at home mummy too, well i was until my 4th started school, now i'm a housewife & it's a different chapter. When my last baby started preschool, he went early (March baby) at 2.5 years & loved it. He had twin sisters in the 4 year old group next door, so not entirely alone, but he was ready & willing . . . most days, like his sisters, he'd never been left before either.
    Primary school was the final huge step, coming home 5 days a week, alone, this is my 3rd year of that. So glad i have a wonderful business to keep me busy, but i love 3p.m. when i get to start the mothering side of my day all over again, hugs & kisses before 4 school bags come flying at me.
    Good luck, the teachers are amazing, she'll be fine 5 minutes after you go, you know the drill. Love Posie

  3. Oh hon. Change is scary in some ways isn't it? I still have Mr Small at home but he will be attending pre-kindy 2 days a week this year so I can work. It's new and exciting but like you, I'm scared and sad as well. It will all work out in the end.

  4. Oh Thea. You know I went through the exact same thing last year when Lexie went off to kindy.

    I was a mess!

    BUT, it truly makes me love them even more.

    The balance is so much richer. Light and shade. Home and away. LOVE to drop them off. Love to pick them up even more.

    I promise.


  5. You know I find it hard to fathom that a parent can be feeling the way you do about a child starting kinder. (I realize it is common though) I also think it is very sweet and you make me feel guilty as I will be one of those parents cracking open the bubbly when my kids are all off to school!!!!

    In the meantime just keep telling yourself that those times she spends away from you means she will have many more things to talk to you about when she gets home!! Xxxx

  6. I couldn't help myself from leaving a comment on this post. You have captured my own feelings on being a Mum so accurately. My son, who has also just turned 3, is starting pre-school for 2 days a week on the 3rd Feb and I... am... struggling. Likewise, I have only ever left him with my husband (doesn't count) and my parents. I am NOT ready either. I think it will be good for him, in time. But I do wish I could keep him (both of my babies for that matter) with me forever. Such a beautifully touching post, thank you for sharing it and good luck when your little girl starts pre-school. You are not alone with these feelings :o)

  7. Stop! This is going to be me soon. I've contacted the preschool about prep classes for preschool (the ones where I go with her) but they won't start until April (when she's three) and I'm sure in a couple of months after that she'll start the full program (either two half days or two full days depending on what we want to do). And I am so terrified. I know she'll love it but I'm not sure I'll be actually physically able to leave her when she's begging me to stay.

  8. I find it so anxious filled the first time you leave them in the arms of strangers. But, before you know it, you'll be looking forward to those days because YOU WILL HAVE TIME TO YOURSELF.



  9. Love it JO!!!!

    If it is too hard when you start ... you can pull her out.
    She will never be small again.
    What's another year in the big picture of life?

    Or as Jo said... join us and homeschool LOL

  10. Give it a few minutes and you'll both love it! No really, I know how you feel. You'll miss her.

  11. Aww thea I was the same I came home and looked at miss T shoes at the front door and cried and said she won't be wearing these today...then I folder clothes and cried..I did this all day!!! Miss T had a rough start! She cried for the first 6 months everyday!!
    She cried + I cried..I eventually got over it and so did she, I'm not telling you this to worry you, just to let you know that she will be ok even if it takes a little while.


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