Wednesday, November 9, 2011

Almost Over

Well, the wait is almost over.
I've known since the beginning of the year that the ex-friend is moving to the other side of the world.
I knew it was sometime in November and I've been dying for the day that I don't have to see her face at school...every fricken day.
Not just see her face, walk right by her, watch her laugh and be included in the group of mums.
While all I've felt is exclusion.
All my fault.
After I stuffed up the friendship I was paranoid about who knew, what people were saying, who was talking about me behind my back.
It's highly likely that no one actually was.
But I couldn't bear to be around her, or anyone she assocciated with...which was pretty much everyone in the school mum circle.
For the same reason I killed anyone on Facebook that was also friends with her.
And I blocked her and her new bff.

I read all of this back and I just want to slap myself.
I'm 43 for God's sake, not 3!!
But it's all too much.
I've tried to pretend she means nothing to me and paint a smile on my face.
But seeing her almost every day still cuts to the core...two and a half years later!

Then this afternoon as I braved the mass of mums,
I overheard the teacher in my son's classroom reminding the children to bring something for a farewell morning tea for her daughter (in the other Year 1 class) this Friday.
And as she was saying this, the ex-friend was getting a big squishy goodbye hug from a mum I have tried to befriend, but failed to.
I kept my sunglasses on and glared at the world from the inside.

This was the news I was waiting for.
This Friday is the last day I'll have to see her.
I thought I'd be elated.

But the minute I stepped through my back door...

...I cried.


  1. I haven been through that.
    I lost a group of friends because one made up a story & they all believed her, not once did I cry or feel sad, why when it was their choice to stop talking to me. Some days I miss that contact with other mums but the lack of drama has made my world much better.

    Its okay to Cry one day they will all see you are a wonderful person.

  2. Poor sweetheart. Breakups are so hard, even if 'just' with friends. Have a drink tonight and look forward to many new friendships.xx

  3. Awe! I feel for you! That was such a heartfelt post! Have a glass of wine & I hope you feel better soon! Its their loss and I'm sure you've got and will make plenty of more mum friends. My little boy is starting Kindy this year and I was looking forward to making new friends myself, but like you say, it only brings drama's with it! X

  4. Such a rollercoaster.
    I hope next week finds you with so much more peace in your heart - especially around school.
    Don't be held back by that one failed friendship anymore.
    (So easy to say, isn't it?!)

  5. If I remeber my sweet, you didn't stuff up, she started playing mind games.

    It is sad, but good at the same time. Next year you can start fresh and hopefully find some new friends who will treasure you for the lovely person you are.


  6. Oh Thea. The tears were likely relief too? xx

  7. Blah! I hope next year is a fresh start and the other mothers have forgotten her, as they so often seem to do!

  8. Oh my goodness Thea, I found this post so honest and raw and brave. You poor love, there is nothing worse than the feeling of being excluded and it sounds like you might just have been through one hell of a bad time. I am currently having some 'issues' with one of my best friends. Nothing has been said or even done, it's just a feeling, a mood, even. I am trying very hard not to blow it completely, but it means having to bite my tongue, which in turn just leads to avoidance. VEry silly indeed. But I am also a firm believer in people changing, I've witnessed it before and maybe both of us have just changed without realising it. Hope you feel somewhat relieved after Friday xo

  9. Thea, this post is so timely for me, thankyou for taking the time and effort to write it. I have recently made the awful decision to let go of my Best Friend. She has become toxic to me and my family. Incredibly I put up with mean mind games, nasty comments, humilitation so she could get a laugh from a new friend... And then I discovered she had shared a very personal, horrible situation with sveral people, and criticised how we dealt with it.
    And yet even though I know she is not a good person, even though I am still hurt, I miss her. I am struggling to let go.. an yet what I am seeing, is I am missing the friend I never had. She was never wonderful, she was manipulative. She has a gaggle of new friends, who just don't see it ... yet.
    Hang in there, know you made the right decision. Toxic people have no place in your world. xxx

  10. I'm really pleased to read that you wont have to face her anymore and I hope this means that you will now be able to establish new friendships and move forward. Big hugs mate xx

  11. I can sympathise, I too have been through something similar. It's tough, cry all you like at home :)

  12. Seriously, my "break up" with my ex-bff has been harder on me than any other relationship fail I've ever had.
    Losing a girlfriend is waaay more heart breaking than pining over any ol' man could be.
    I found the article below a little bit helpful, maybe you will too;
    While I'm glad this girl and her dramas are out of my life, part of me is sad and feels lost without her.
    Take heart that we've all been there and still cry a tear or two and the unfairness of it all.
    Sometimes being a grown up really sucks (at least if we were 5 we could punch her and move on hehe) xox


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