Well, the wait is almost over.
I've known since the beginning of the year that the ex-friend is moving to the other side of the world.
I knew it was sometime in November and I've been dying for the day that I don't have to see her face at school...every fricken day.
Not just see her face, walk right by her, watch her laugh and be included in the group of mums.
While all I've felt is exclusion.
All my fault.
After I stuffed up the friendship I was paranoid about who knew, what people were saying, who was talking about me behind my back.
It's highly likely that no one actually was.
But I couldn't bear to be around her, or anyone she assocciated with...which was pretty much everyone in the school mum circle.
For the same reason I killed anyone on Facebook that was also friends with her.
And I blocked her and her new bff.
I read all of this back and I just want to slap myself.
I'm 43 for God's sake, not 3!!
But it's all too much.
I've tried to pretend she means nothing to me and paint a smile on my face.
But seeing her almost every day still cuts to the core...two and a half years later!
Then this afternoon as I braved the mass of mums,
I overheard the teacher in my son's classroom reminding the children to bring something for a farewell morning tea for her daughter (in the other Year 1 class) this Friday.
And as she was saying this, the ex-friend was getting a big squishy goodbye hug from a mum I have tried to befriend, but failed to.
I kept my sunglasses on and glared at the world from the inside.
This was the news I was waiting for.
This Friday is the last day I'll have to see her.
I thought I'd be elated.
But the minute I stepped through my back door...