This is a topic that's already been debated and written about in women's magazines and talked about by thousands of women around thousands of cups of coffee (or glasses of wine), but it's been my head lately, even though there's nothing I can do about it now.
When is the right time to have kids?
So many of us ask this question like we have a choice.
But how many of us have actually have kids when we 'planned' to?
I'm guessing not many.
I always wanted to be a young mum, like my mum who had only just turned 20 when I was born.
I didn't want to be that young, but I definitely wanted to have kids before I was 30, because I used to think that was so old. (LOL)
I married youngish, I was 24, but I married the wrong man.
He always said he wanted kids, but it was always a future thing for him.
My 30th birthday came and went and kids were still in the future.
I came to believe that he didn't want kids at all, well not with me anyhow.
So my dream of becoming a young mum had slowly slid away.
I didn't meet my husband until I was 31 (and still married to the wrong man).
I was 33 when we were married.
And then he got cold feet...about having kids.
It took him another year to feel 'ready'.
Fortunately (very, very fortunately) it didn't take long to fall pregnant and not long after I turned 35 I was expecting our first child. I turned 36 six weeks after he was born.
Before he was two, I was pregnant again, but that pregnancy wasn't to be.
Fortunately (very, very fortunately) I fell pregnant, again, very quickly and at 38 was expecting our second child. I turned 39 six weeks after she was born.
So, I have the children I'd been dreaming about for years and years, and they are my angels.
But I'm not the young mum I wanted to be.
And I still mourn that.
I know, I know, I am incredibly grateful to have the family I've always wanted.
It is perfect and I do appreciate that others are still waiting for their family, or don't ever have all of the children that they dreamed of, or have lost precious little souls.
But I can't help wondering, would it have been easier if I was younger?
Would pregnancy have brought on Rheumatoid Arthritis if I was younger?
Would I have more energy and patience if I was younger?
Will my children have to care for me in my old age when they're in the prime of theirs?
I know, I'm overthinking things, again.
And things are how they are, I can't change it.
I just need to be happy about it, and I am, truly.
The other thing that I've been wondering about lately is hormones.
I'm so tired and cranky a lot of the time.
I don't know how much of it is that I'm still not getting many nights of unbroken sleep.
And how much of it could be hormone related.
It came up in conversation with an old friend yesterday.
She said she is only just starting to feel parts of her old, pre-children self returning.
She's not so fogged up in the head.
She's feeling more in control and confident.
And her youngest is four and a half.
I wonder how long it takes for you hormones to get over having a baby.
Could it be five years?
Or could it be perimenopause?
Ugh, that word makes me shudder, but I am 'that' age.
I don't know, I think I'll just stop thinking and start enjoying.
Yes, that sounds like a good plan.